So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize