I look better un-naked...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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