Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
