I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize