Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Randomize
