god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize