Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
