I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
