My nipple is on Facebook.
If that was your dad, he is hot
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
