You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
