I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
