I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
