This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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