I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize