god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
