dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
