I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
