I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
