It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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