hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
