I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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