Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
