GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
