sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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