you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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