You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
