I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
