I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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