You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
