is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
