Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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