you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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