Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
