Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
