Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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