I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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