Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
