what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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