using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
