dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize