saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize