I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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