It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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