Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
