I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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