Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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