as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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