Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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