Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
