Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
being pregnant is like rehab
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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