I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
