i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
