considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
