The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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