Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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