I cut my penus on the lid.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
