I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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