who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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