i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
