She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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