the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
