we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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