I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
