We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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