I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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