kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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