Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
